The First!

Funny how I am starting my blog with my heartaches! I dont feel like anyone can understand me right now, I just didn't want all the unsolicited advice that I will get from people around me! I just needed a place where I can say whatever I want to say and where I can express how much pain I have somewhere here around my chest (well, i think that it is just a reminder that, yes, I am alive!)

Well, here is my story!  I've been in a relationship with a man for the last 7 years, and it ended, well, last night.. He was the first man (I mean the only man so far) that I loved, I thought that everything was so damn smooth! And Guess what, he proposed marriage to me last Aug, that was on our 7th anniversary. Ours is a semi-long distance relationship (I mean he's here in the philippines, not abroad!) , we would see each other maybe once or twice a month! I have given him everything! And I mean everything, you name it, he got it! Not just my heart and my soul but every freakin' thing! But then I just found out that he was having an affair to another woman! It started last Oct, well, that would be 2 months after the proposal!

And guess where all the lies came out, in the number 1 social networking website, Facebook! I feel like I have the strongest female intuition, because i was able to figure out everything! He changed his pw, hid his tagged photos, that is just suspicious right? Well, since I work as a technical support agent for an internet company, I could say that I am somehow tech savvy (more of a hacker)! I saw pictures of him on facebook with the girl, arms around each other! But that is not all, ofcourse, you do that with some of your closest friends right?! I was able to figure out another account that belonged to him! Made a couple of guesses with the email ad and pw, and boom! I got logged in! And to my surprize, the account looks exactly like the one he is using for me, all infos and pictures, except for one major thing! He is in a relationship with someone else!

You know what's really amazing? When I saw that page, no tears came out! (just so you know, I am quite emotional and i cry a lot!) It was all anger and regret! Regret, that I wasted 7 years of my life with the wrong guy! Anger, because I feel like I don't deserve it!

I was so angry, I lost control of myself, I started uploading pictures of us together on his wall, making bitchy (excuse me for the word!) remarks, telling how interesting it is to see your fiance being in a relationship with someone else! It was not like me, I was never a war freak, I never said such ugly words in my entire life except in that moment that I saw how he's been fooling me for 3 months! I felt like dying!

I don't know if you've ever felt anger, dismay, regret, pain, disappointment, confusion all at the same time! It was overwhelming, I think you would lose your self control too.

What's more, his girlfriend added me as a friend and dare posted comments on my wall too! It was a war, really! I cannot find the words to best describe her! But I do admire her... confidence?! 

Maybe it was all on me after all, sounds cliche but you really should not love too much, you have to leave something for yourself! It is still best that you love yourself first!

And the best part of it all is, it's Christmas tomorrow (that's what we call perfect timing!)