Saturday, 24 December 2011

The First!

Funny how I am starting my blog with my heartaches! I dont feel like anyone can understand me right now, I just didn't want all the unsolicited advice that I will get from people around me! I just needed a place where I can say whatever I want to say and where I can express how much pain I have somewhere here around my chest (well, i think that it is just a reminder that, yes, I am alive!)

Well, here is my story!  I've been in a relationship with a man for the last 7 years, and it ended, well, last night.. He was the first man (I mean the only man so far) that I loved, I thought that everything was so damn smooth! And Guess what, he proposed marriage to me last Aug, that was on our 7th anniversary. Ours is a semi-long distance relationship (I mean he's here in the philippines, not abroad!) , we would see each other maybe once or twice a month! I have given him everything! And I mean everything, you name it, he got it! Not just my heart and my soul but every freakin' thing! But then I just found out that he was having an affair to another woman! It started last Oct, well, that would be 2 months after the proposal!

And guess where all the lies came out, in the number 1 social networking website, Facebook! I feel like I have the strongest female intuition, because i was able to figure out everything! He changed his pw, hid his tagged photos, that is just suspicious right? Well, since I work as a technical support agent for an internet company, I could say that I am somehow tech savvy (more of a hacker)! I saw pictures of him on facebook with the girl, arms around each other! But that is not all, ofcourse, you do that with some of your closest friends right?! I was able to figure out another account that belonged to him! Made a couple of guesses with the email ad and pw, and boom! I got logged in! And to my surprize, the account looks exactly like the one he is using for me, all infos and pictures, except for one major thing! He is in a relationship with someone else!

You know what's really amazing? When I saw that page, no tears came out! (just so you know, I am quite emotional and i cry a lot!) It was all anger and regret! Regret, that I wasted 7 years of my life with the wrong guy! Anger, because I feel like I don't deserve it!

I was so angry, I lost control of myself, I started uploading pictures of us together on his wall, making bitchy (excuse me for the word!) remarks, telling how interesting it is to see your fiance being in a relationship with someone else! It was not like me, I was never a war freak, I never said such ugly words in my entire life except in that moment that I saw how he's been fooling me for 3 months! I felt like dying!

I don't know if you've ever felt anger, dismay, regret, pain, disappointment, confusion all at the same time! It was overwhelming, I think you would lose your self control too.

What's more, his girlfriend added me as a friend and dare posted comments on my wall too! It was a war, really! I cannot find the words to best describe her! But I do admire her... confidence?! 

Maybe it was all on me after all, sounds cliche but you really should not love too much, you have to leave something for yourself! It is still best that you love yourself first!

And the best part of it all is, it's Christmas tomorrow (that's what we call perfect timing!)


  1. sana hindi mo inaccept yung friend request nya

    pinay ka ba? kasi tagalog comment ko eh

    anyway, maniwala ka sa akin, tanga yang mga ganyang babae

    kung ikaw nga na 7 years gf eh nagawang lokohin

    pano pa sya na bago lang?

    for sure, lolokohin din sya ng lalaking yan

    at hello, hindi confidence tawag dun

    kakapalan ng face! hahaha!

    nakakatawa sya kamo

    at nakakahiya sya

    anong love story nila kung sakali?

    halimbawa tanungin sya ng parents nya or ng friends nya or ng future kids nila?

    fact is ang panget

    something na hindi nya pwede ipagmalaki

    kasi maski saang anggulo tingnan mang-aagaw sya

    may naagrabyado sya

    pero ang dapat talaga ibitay dyan ay yung ex mo

    pero hamo na sila

    eh ano kung binigay mo na lahat sa kanya?

    may darating din na mamahalin ka ng tapat

  2. Hi sterndal! oo pinay ako!

    ewan ko, nun time kasi na yun sa sobrang wala ako sa sarili ko, kaya inaccept ko yun friend request, wrong move, na-realize ko kasi na binaba ko yun level ko sa kanya.. anyways, tapos na yun, hindi ko na maibalik pa..

    that time kasi super hinayang pa ko s kanya, kaya ending nagmukha lang akong tanga! haha.. pero natauhan din naman ako.. kaya nun nakipagbalikan sakin e inayawan ko na talaga..

    siyempre naisip ko din gumanti at some point, pero waste of time lang at pointless na din, so nag-let go na ko

    pero still on the healing part..

    thanks pa rin! :)

  3. hay

    na feel ko talaga yung sadness mo sa mga sinulat mo

    hamo na nga sila

    sabi mo nga tapos na yun

    for sure, may ipapalit si God na mas gwapo, mas mabait, mas matalino, mas funny ... basta better

    tama ka dyan, revenge is pointless na din

    ang mahalaga ay meron kang peace within you

    God bless