Thursday, 14 June 2012

Better..

I've been away for quite some time now.. I was afraid to go back to this blog, thinking it would bring back the pain that I've felt before.. But wow, I'm a lot better now.. No more bitter moments.. Crying time is long gone..

It's been half a year since that time when I was broken.. One of the hardest times of my life.. But like what people say, "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger". I guess I'm a stronger person now, a stronger woman..

Just like what I always thought, you really cannot move on unless you first forgive the person who did you wrong. It was hard, sometimes I hear a voice at the back of my mind saying why would you forgive someone who hurt you so much when all you did was love?? Yet, I told myself that whatever happened to our relationship was God's plan. Yeah, it was.

Now I am just happy that it ended. Okay, why don't I face the fact that even before I discovered his affair with the other woman, I was already having doubts about our relationship. I did feel that I wasn't ready. I was unsure that he's the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. 

Yes, that is the truth. I wasn't ready. I was just blinded by the thought of "getting married". By the childhood belief of living happily ever after. Was pressured by my theory to marry the first man that I loved. By the fact that most of my friends my age already have their own family.

I still believe that there is no enough reason for anyone, man or woman, to cheat his/her partner. If something is wrong, then let your partner know, not let someone else fill the gap for you. Telling the truth is a lot kinder than sugar-coated lies.

But I guess, not all of it was his fault. I made some mistakes too. I became too dependent on him. Yeah, too dependent that I can't even make decisions on my own. I may have suffocated him. I thought that he completes me, that I can't be happy without him. That is just wrong. 

Now, I pray that God brings me to the right man who will love me and whom I will love for the rest of my life. Whom I would trust wholly. Whom I won't have doubts with.