Wednesday, 28 December 2011

Dear You,

How did you do it? Did you have any sense of guilt? Was it difficult lying? 

Do you know how I'm feeling right now? I'm awful. I feel like dying. I feel empty. I feel stranded.

In the office, when people talk about lovelife and how many girlfriends or boyfriends one had, I was always proud to say that you were the only one.  When people joke about men womanizing, I would always say that I'm confident that you won't.

You know how I planned my future with you in it? I was planning for our wedding everyday. I'm always thinking of what you might want to include in it. I was downloading the songs you suggested. Remember, I even showed you the dance that I thought was perfect for you? You're a good dancer, so I know you can do it better. You're such a talented person. And so a lot of people are telling me that I was lucky to have you. I would always say that yes, I'm very lucky.

I even thought that after the wedding, we will look for an apartment temporarily there in Cavite, cause I thought you wont be really comfortable staying in our house, so during the work week I can stay at my house and then on my off, I'd go there in our place. I was planning to get copies of recipes so I can cook for you. I was thinking of how I'm gonna design our house, the pieces of furniture that we're gonna buy. Then we can get a loan so we can buy our new house depending if you want it here or there in Cavite.

You see, everything that I've dreamed off, you were in it. I was planning on spending the rest of my life with you, of getting old with you. 

Now, I feel so lost. Now, everything about the future frightens me. Now, I don't know whom to trust anymore, I can't even trust myself now. You broke me. You hurt me in ways I never thought you could.

By the way, I love you still.

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