Sunday, 25 December 2011

When Christmas comes!

I woke up this morning, hearing that song from Mariah Carey! It is Christmas! Could you believe it?

After about 40hrs of being awake, my body finally gave up (and my mind too!) and I was able to get 5hrs of sleep! My boyfriend (should i say my ex-bf) was texting me last night, he was telling me that he wants me back and that he dealt with the other woman already. I am so confused right now! I love him still. I loved him so much and I think it would be so hard to just forget him, imagine that we've been together for 7 years.. But it is also so hard to forget how much pain I felt for the last 2 days.. It made me numb, really! 

Should I believe him? Should I forgive him? Should I talk to him again? But I am so afraid to talk to him and see him again, I am afraid that I would just give in and forgive him right there and then. That's how much I love him.. Maybe you'd say that I'm such a big fool, and yes I am!

I've been arguing about this with myself! I keep telling myself that he was not really serious with the other girl. Because if he was, he should have let the idea of us getting married slip away.. But he didn't.. We even made a full payment for our wedding venue last Nov! And he even agreed to go to the next bridal fair.. But if he really loved me, he should have never started that affair! He was saying that it was actually the girl who kept going to his boarding house to see him (she is such a whore!!), but he should have resisted, he should have thought about me, right?

But then again, like I said, I love him still and I am starting to hate myself for it.. I have to admit, when he texted me last night night, when he apologized, it really healed me, somehow..

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