Tuesday, 3 January 2012

I have never felt so much pain in my entire life. I'm crying to the point that I can no longer breathe. These last 2 days were the worst. I fought for love, for my 7 year relationship, and I lost. He said he wanted his freedom. I can't understand why he didn't tell me earlier. I can't understand why he had to give me lies. Why he made me think that we can still fix our situation. Why he told my friends he still love me. Why he said he broke up with her already. Why he told me that he was fixing himself. Why all the lies? Why give me false hope?

I did what he want. I went to his house, talked to his mom, got the ring back and I went there to see him, to prove him that I love him so much. I swallowed my pride. I even took all the blame and told him that I would change. I apologized for the things that weren't exactly my fault.

I literally begged him. I begged him to come back to me. I asked him to remember how happy we were then. I asked him to remember the proposal. I asked him to remember the last 7 years. I told him that I'm willing to forget all that happened, that I will forgive him. I begged him and all that he said is that he want his freedom back. I asked for a last chance and he won't give it.

My mom was hugging me tight because I was crying so hard. She keep saying that everything happened for a reason, she said maybe we were not really meant for each other. She said that it is better this way, that someone better will come. She said something about fate didn't want us to be together anymore, and I think that fate is just too cruel to me.

I don't know where all this pain is coming from. How come I can't stop crying. How come even if people told me that everything will be better, it doesn't seem real. I keep saying that I'm okay but I'm really not. No, I can't be okay.

I lost the person who I thought was my soulmate. I lost a bestfriend. I lost our dreams. I lost my visions of the future. I am losing myself. 

2 comments:

  1. well

    i don't want to intrude

    but i believe you deserve someone better

    someone who will take good care of your heart

    i hope you find your one true love soon

    God bless

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  2. Hi there.. nasurprise ako sa comment po pero i appreciate it.. matagal na rin naman to.. moving on na ko.. anyways, naniniwala din naman ako makita ko yun true love ko, haha! thanks!

    ReplyDelete