Saturday, 11 February 2012

Why am I suddenly feeling this wave of sadness creeping over me? Could it be because of the dream I had last night? I can't even remember exactly what it was.. Sadness.. I mean, not just that, emptiness? That feeling where you have this weird sting of pain and you don't know where it's coming from and you try to search for it inside your heart and it doesn't seem to be there.. Like something is missing.. Like something just left.. 

Oh I hate this feeling.. I was perfectly fine last night. I thought I was okay this morning.. Why the sudden change? Are these lapses? Is this just normal? Oh I hate it. Now I am starting to think about it again. About him again. And I dare talk about healing or moving on yesterday and look at me now. Now, I'm trying so hard not to cry..

I don't know what started this. Everything seemed normal this morning. I ate breakfast, then I read a book and I watched a film. Now I'm wondering why I am crying. Crying for no reason. Just like an insane person. Maybe because out of nowhere a part me is saying that I miss him. And another part of me is telling me that I should contact him. And I just don't want to. Because it isn't right. I know it isn't.

Why do we always have to have a battle between the heart and the mind? Why can't they have something that they both want? Why am I always suppose to argue with myself? Why is there a need to stop yourself from doing something you want? Because you are protecting yourself from something that will hurt you more. So stop.

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