Dear You,

I had another dream. Or maybe it was a nightmare. It was the scariest dream that I had, but there were no ghosts or monsters or covers. Just you. We were together and we were happy. Then I asked you, "do you love me?". You said, "yes." I asked you again, "are you happy with me?" and your answer was "i am happy right now, I'm with you."

"Did you break-up with her?" And I was really hoping for another yes but you said, "I can't" , "I tried, but I can't." Then I started crying, but there wasn't any tear. You said, "It is easier to be with her, we can be together as much as we want."

I said "I love you" then I kissed you and then I begged you to break up with her. But you did not answer. But it seems like I already knew what it is, so I left. 

Then I woke up. 

Maybe that dream was the sign that I was praying for. You were so honest in that dream, you were so unreal,  yet ironically, everything felt real, like you were just in front of me.

Today will be the last day. And it will be the last chance that I'm giving myself. Everything needs to stop after today.

Dear You,

How did you do it? Did you have any sense of guilt? Was it difficult lying? 

Do you know how I'm feeling right now? I'm awful. I feel like dying. I feel empty. I feel stranded.

In the office, when people talk about lovelife and how many girlfriends or boyfriends one had, I was always proud to say that you were the only one.  When people joke about men womanizing, I would always say that I'm confident that you won't.

You know how I planned my future with you in it? I was planning for our wedding everyday. I'm always thinking of what you might want to include in it. I was downloading the songs you suggested. Remember, I even showed you the dance that I thought was perfect for you? You're a good dancer, so I know you can do it better. You're such a talented person. And so a lot of people are telling me that I was lucky to have you. I would always say that yes, I'm very lucky.

I even thought that after the wedding, we will look for an apartment temporarily there in Cavite, cause I thought you wont be really comfortable staying in our house, so during the work week I can stay at my house and then on my off, I'd go there in our place. I was planning to get copies of recipes so I can cook for you. I was thinking of how I'm gonna design our house, the pieces of furniture that we're gonna buy. Then we can get a loan so we can buy our new house depending if you want it here or there in Cavite.

You see, everything that I've dreamed off, you were in it. I was planning on spending the rest of my life with you, of getting old with you. 

Now, I feel so lost. Now, everything about the future frightens me. Now, I don't know whom to trust anymore, I can't even trust myself now. You broke me. You hurt me in ways I never thought you could.

By the way, I love you still.